Power is amazing

"Power is amazing,
wood thrown on stone.
A life under there.
Once it lived,
just like the wood.
But now it's still,
just like the stone.
Life before it,
creating history.
Life above it,
wandering round.
Life after it,
miracles to explore.
What does it mean,
the power of nature?
The comings and goings
of life once so strong.
The stable tree now twigs
On the ground
Surrounding the stone.
The gift of life now
Still underground
Yet so much higher above.
Power is amazing."

A walk to the cemetery on a cold, sunny, wintery day after the strong winds had struck the landscape around... and Lorna writes on her way home.

I can't get it the right way!

I can't get it the right way!

Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes.

Less than 40 hours ago I was doing that thing that I've always wondered how people do. I was on the CalMac ferry leaving Iona, leaving my home, leaving my friends and my lifelines. But, you know what, it was ok. Even though I have no idea what I am going on to next. Even though I am leaving the place, and more than that, the people I love. Even though I have to make a new life for myself. Even though I don't yet know when I will go back.

Sometimes emotions disappear, and 40 hours ago they did just that - blank. There were tears shed. But not in the way I may have expected, after watching so many people leave on that ferry before me. They were shed mainly because I was being taken away from the most important people in my life. But even that didn't quite feel real enough to really hit home to wherever it is emotions hide inside.

In another 40 hours time, or even 400 hours time, I can bet those emotions will come rushing and hit hard then. My heart feels quite broken after leaving and I know soon it will start to make more sense.

"Sometimes we sorrow, other times embrace,
sometimes we question everything we face;
yet in our yearning is deeper learning:
we belong to God, we belong to God."

And now I am in Edinburgh, adjusting to life in a busy (well, compared to Iona) city, driving in traffic, starting up a house for the first time in my life, living with someone I've never lived with before (though known for years), hunting for a church to feel comfortable in (eventually), applying for jobs and universities and colleges (ah, deadlines), reconnecting with friends, trying to stay in touch with friends around the world (thank you internet), cooking for myself, getting up in the morning with no official things to do each day... etc etc.

From here, I expect emotions and visitors... please.

"Mayenziwe 'ntando yakho."
"Your will be done on earth, O Lord."

Going mad?

What you do with what you've got...

"What's the use of two good legs if you only run away
What's the use of the finest voice if you've nothing good to say
What good is strength and muscle if you only push and shove
And what's the use of two good ears if you can't hear those you love"

Songs mean various things at various points in your life. It's amazing how you can take new things from them each time you listen depending on where you're at in your life...

"It's not what you're born with
It's what you choose to bear
It's not how big your share is
It's how much you can share
It's not the fights you dreamed of
It's those you really fought
It's not what you're given
It's what you do with what you've go"

Eddi Reader - What you do with what you've got

See...?

What can you see?
What can I see?
What can we see together?

Do you ever see something that you don't quite want to be true?

Do you ever see something that you want to be true yet know isn't?

Whether it's actually seeing with your eyes, or experiencing something in other ways; through thoughts, emotions, sounds...

Do the things that we see change the way that we act, we react?

Do the things that we see change the way we think, we feel?

Whether it's a simple action or a change of life direction. Whether it's a flying thought or a long term dream.

And more to the point, how do we deal with what we see? Sometimes what we see is right. Sometimes what we see is wrong. Sometimes what we see is somewhere in between. But how do we deal with these things?

If there are answers, surely they don't follow any one rule. Answers on a postcard.

Old And New Eyes

Looking on at a difficult situation with 'new eyes' can be challenging, heart wrentching, exhausting, testing, emotionally draining... The list could go on. Looking back on a situation with 'new eyes' can be just the same.

How do we deal with this? How do we deal with our own expectations; expectations of ourselves, expectations of others, expectations of a situation?  How do we comprehend all that goes on within us, mind and soul? How do we make sure that our 'new eyes' don't take away from the experiences that our 'old eyes' had?

Our 'old eyes' saw something great and embraced it, our 'new eyes' see something great turned in to a challenge to deal with, yet still needing to be embraced.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

A lot has happened lately. A lot is happening. A lot will soon happen. This is life.

I just now have many questions about dealing with all of this, good or bad, positive or negative, old or new. Not so much answers to be looked for, but questions to continue to be asked.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Feels Like Home To Me

When walking along a very familiar beach, with very familiar people, watching a very familiar sunset, a very old familiar song popped in to my head.
"Feels like home to me. Feels like I'm all the way back where I come from."
And that was right, that is right. But the strange thing is, it's also right that I'm leaving this place.
No more familiar walks along the Machair watching the sunset with these people again. Not like this anyway.

Thoughts

Where would you expect me to be when thinking about the above things? In the maintenance shed whilst picking paint for work? In the kitchen whilst cooking? In the guest rooms whilst making beds? Out shopping? Looking at the Argos catalogue or on Amazon?

Nope. In church. Yes, not only in church, but in the leader's desk while leading a service.

Do you think you can get so used to something to the point you get blasé, even when you're the one leading it? Clearly so!

2 years living in community with 2 services every day, 9am and 9pm...

Is it a wonder at times I switch off and my mind wanders? Not really.

But is that such a bad thing? To me: not really. You can't always engage with everything all of the time. Can you? If you can, I don't think you're a true human. End of.

Music for the soul

Lately I have listened to a lot of music, and have also started to play my guitar again. I have even written a new song in the last week. Life is changing. Fast. Sometimes music feels stable.


Tonight I have been listening to the Wailin' Jennys. For a few reasons/memories I find them tricky to listen to. But after a 'jukebox' last night with some friends I was challenged to listen to them again. So here I am.

"Take me where the angels are close at hand
Take me where the ocean meets the sky and the land
Show me to the wisdom of the evening star
There's only one way to mend a broken heart"

Short post as I don't have many words tonight. Bed.

Memories and dreams

So I went for a wander this afternoon up to St Anthony's Chapel...

It was a lovely sunny afternoon, although not by the time I got up the hill! The only annoying this was that there were people there. People? How dare they!

In my sight there was the castle, the Scott Monument, Calton Hill, the football stadium, the sea, Fife, power stations, houses, the city centre, Dynamic Earth, a pond full of happy ducks... The list goes on. Some of it doesn't sound so lovely, and to be honest it isn't that lovely. But some of it is lovely. And if you put the lovely and the not so lovely together, you get Edinburgh.

There's many memories up there There's many dreams looking out from it. With less than 12 weeks left on Iona before moving back to Edinburgh, it's hard to try to mix those memories and dreams together.

There's a theme in my blogs and general life lately - leaving Iona. Did you guess?! Guess what's taking up my mind right now! There's an awful lot more in there, but this is the easiest stuff to share I guess. Dum dee dum!

Memories and dreams,
Mine and yours.
Memories and dreams,
Challenging and rewarding.
Memories and dreams,
For now and always.