Monday, 25 October 2010

One Day...

 "I'll need a boat with a good strong sail
To weather all the storms and the gales
I'll grab the bottle, grip the rail and say my prayers
And then I'll throw that bottle out
Into the deep blue sea
And then I'll sail away

Yeah I'll throw that bottle out
So far it can't hurt me
One day, one day, one day
One day, one day, one day"

- Polly Paulusma - One Day

A special person said this song reminded them of me... me and my box. I'm known for doing quite a lot of random scribbles and bits of writing, especially at the more tricky times of life. And earlier in the year I decided that it wasn't good to re-read any of these as it brought back things that maybe I didn't need to bring back. So I made a box, a box of 'things to hand over and forget about'. One day. One day I'll hand them all over. Individually I've handed them over as I've put them in the box, but one day I will hand it all over. All of the past 'stuff' that's now kept tightly in that box. 
One small enclosed space can hold a lot of truth about life. One small enclosed space is where I live. On a remote, small Scottish island. Can you get any more enclosed than community life here on Iona? In an odd way, community makes you very enclosed. There are a lot of introverts in community. There are a lot of extroverts in community. How do the two merge? How do they get on? How do they communicate? How do they work together? How do you hand things over? It's been a fascinating few weeks here on Iona and these are the kind of things I've been looking out for. It's amazing. People are fascinating. Emotions and feelings. Words. Body language. Behaviours. You can think you know someone very well, and then you share community life with them...
The afore mentioned person introduced me to a lot of music lately, and these words made me think about relationships in community life, that go on no matter what...

'Did you ever lay your head down on the shoulder of a good friend?
And then have to look away somehow? Had to hide the way you felt for them?
Have you ever prayed the day would come you’d hear them say they feel it to?
Did you ever love somebody who never knew?'
Community life is great. But it's hard. So stick your hard bits in a box and mark it for God. Continue as normal.
One day...

Sunday, 10 October 2010

"Show Me How Pretty The Whole World Is"

Do you ever have a day when one artist is singing at you, to you?
Do you ever have a day when the words being sung ring true to you?
Do you ever have a day when the tune, the harmonies, the voice rattle through you?
Do you ever have a day when something is talking to you but you don't know what's being said?
Do you ever have that day?
If so, say hello to God.

Hello God!
Today has been that day for me. That day often happens but sometimes that day passes me by without me realising. Why don't I realise when it's oh so obvious? Because I'm a human who gets caught up with life and who isn't always on the look out of God (although I likely should be). But, God is always on the look out for me.
"I can almost see the sky. When I need to I close my eyes. You're the only things worth holding on to."
Today it feels like there is more than just God to hold on to. I know, deep down, that holding on to God is more important that anything, but there are also other important things to hold on to; important people, memories, moments, words...
"I miss the sound of your voice."
Isn't it nice when your phone rings when you're sat at your desk at work and it's a special person ringing? A special person ringing just to hear your voice; to hear your voice to help them to know that life is ok.
Such a simple thing as hearing a voice can make us feel so much more comfortable with our life and it's an unexplainable feeling when you've found someone who can do that for you. I'm not saying that only one person can do that for you, but to find someone who can do that is revitalising. It's precious.
How would you cope without friends, without your chosen people? How would you cope if you couldn't hear their voice, see their face, feel their touch? Friendship is so important and it's at times when life is stretching you to your limits that friendships are that bit more obviously important.
Love = a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection.
Realise love. Feel love. Appreciate love. Love in return.
"I miss the still of your silence."

Monday, 4 October 2010

Too Long

It's been too long. Too long for many things.
First off, too long since I posted last. I don't do this communication thing well and I apologise. Life on a small, remote Scottish island is very busy and there isn't often time to sit and write, especially on a computer. Paper and pen, on a rock, by the waves, in the sun...yes. Computer and keyboard, in an office, not working, out of the
Secondly, too long since a good chunk of time off with nothing planned and time alone. This also adds to point one. But it also adds to point three.
Thirdly, too long since a lie in, a solid nights sleep and enough time in bed to function at full capacity. My body is tired and becoming weak. My mind is tired and my knees are sore. This is not a good sign.
Isn't is good that we have a new Hospitality Team Leader arriving on Sunday? An extra pair of enthusiastic hands to hopefully take some of the work load. A smiling face around to hopefully lighten the air. A person to be interested in the well being of the staff. It will hopefully be a good change for us, to introduce a new member of the resident team at this tired and weary time of year. Especially this year. Especially this week.  Everyone is stretched and now more so than normal.
Life is an odd thing and I fully believe that everything happens for a reason, but sometimes those reasons are hard to find. And at the moment that is the case, that reasons for things are hard to find. Why the hurt, upset, anger, loss, judging, criticising, blame, tears....? The list could go on. What is the reason for the whole situation, and for the individual situations surrounding it? It's fascinating to think about. Maybe I will never know the answer. Maybe I will never know what good has come of this. At the moment the good things to come out of the recent changes hasn't yet become apparent but I'm going to keep searching. The good things must be there, somewhere. Becoming closer to those you really do care for and love from the deepest part of you? Working out who your true friends, support network, family and God-given angels are? Being made to smile because of the little things and realising how important the little things are?
"Be still and know that I am God..."
"We have not time to stop and stare..."
"Close your eyes, get some sleep, it's too late now to change anything but it's alright, get some sleep. It's so dark outside so close your eyes and feel the world turn round. If you're not lost, I guess that makes you found."