Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes.

Less than 40 hours ago I was doing that thing that I've always wondered how people do. I was on the CalMac ferry leaving Iona, leaving my home, leaving my friends and my lifelines. But, you know what, it was ok. Even though I have no idea what I am going on to next. Even though I am leaving the place, and more than that, the people I love. Even though I have to make a new life for myself. Even though I don't yet know when I will go back.

Sometimes emotions disappear, and 40 hours ago they did just that - blank. There were tears shed. But not in the way I may have expected, after watching so many people leave on that ferry before me. They were shed mainly because I was being taken away from the most important people in my life. But even that didn't quite feel real enough to really hit home to wherever it is emotions hide inside.

In another 40 hours time, or even 400 hours time, I can bet those emotions will come rushing and hit hard then. My heart feels quite broken after leaving and I know soon it will start to make more sense.

"Sometimes we sorrow, other times embrace,
sometimes we question everything we face;
yet in our yearning is deeper learning:
we belong to God, we belong to God."

And now I am in Edinburgh, adjusting to life in a busy (well, compared to Iona) city, driving in traffic, starting up a house for the first time in my life, living with someone I've never lived with before (though known for years), hunting for a church to feel comfortable in (eventually), applying for jobs and universities and colleges (ah, deadlines), reconnecting with friends, trying to stay in touch with friends around the world (thank you internet), cooking for myself, getting up in the morning with no official things to do each day... etc etc.

From here, I expect emotions and visitors... please.

"Mayenziwe 'ntando yakho."
"Your will be done on earth, O Lord."

Going mad?

What you do with what you've got...

"What's the use of two good legs if you only run away
What's the use of the finest voice if you've nothing good to say
What good is strength and muscle if you only push and shove
And what's the use of two good ears if you can't hear those you love"

Songs mean various things at various points in your life. It's amazing how you can take new things from them each time you listen depending on where you're at in your life...

"It's not what you're born with
It's what you choose to bear
It's not how big your share is
It's how much you can share
It's not the fights you dreamed of
It's those you really fought
It's not what you're given
It's what you do with what you've go"

Eddi Reader - What you do with what you've got

See...?

What can you see?
What can I see?
What can we see together?

Do you ever see something that you don't quite want to be true?

Do you ever see something that you want to be true yet know isn't?

Whether it's actually seeing with your eyes, or experiencing something in other ways; through thoughts, emotions, sounds...

Do the things that we see change the way that we act, we react?

Do the things that we see change the way we think, we feel?

Whether it's a simple action or a change of life direction. Whether it's a flying thought or a long term dream.

And more to the point, how do we deal with what we see? Sometimes what we see is right. Sometimes what we see is wrong. Sometimes what we see is somewhere in between. But how do we deal with these things?

If there are answers, surely they don't follow any one rule. Answers on a postcard.