Less than 40 hours ago I was doing that thing that I've always wondered how people do. I was on the CalMac ferry leaving Iona, leaving my home, leaving my friends and my lifelines. But, you know what, it was ok. Even though I have no idea what I am going on to next. Even though I am leaving the place, and more than that, the people I love. Even though I have to make a new life for myself. Even though I don't yet know when I will go back.
Sometimes emotions disappear, and 40 hours ago they did just that - blank. There were tears shed. But not in the way I may have expected, after watching so many people leave on that ferry before me. They were shed mainly because I was being taken away from the most important people in my life. But even that didn't quite feel real enough to really hit home to wherever it is emotions hide inside.
In another 40 hours time, or even 400 hours time, I can bet those emotions will come rushing and hit hard then. My heart feels quite broken after leaving and I know soon it will start to make more sense.
"Sometimes we sorrow, other times embrace,
sometimes we question everything we face;
yet in our yearning is deeper learning:
we belong to God, we belong to God."
And now I am in Edinburgh, adjusting to life in a busy (well, compared to Iona) city, driving in traffic, starting up a house for the first time in my life, living with someone I've never lived with before (though known for years), hunting for a church to feel comfortable in (eventually), applying for jobs and universities and colleges (ah, deadlines), reconnecting with friends, trying to stay in touch with friends around the world (thank you internet), cooking for myself, getting up in the morning with no official things to do each day... etc etc.
From here, I expect emotions and visitors... please.
"Mayenziwe 'ntando yakho."
"Your will be done on earth, O Lord."
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