Unable

Being unable to speak is an interesting thing.
Made more interesting by emotions and feelings.
Made more interesting by events and tasks.
Made more interesting by people and community.
Made more interesting by the want to help.
Made more interesting by the want to say goodbye.
Made more interesting by the conversations around.
Being unable to speak is an interesting thing.

'Silence'

As many of you will know, my mum struggled with her fight against cancer and died in March 2008. Obviously this had a major impact on my life, and an impact that would never be possible to be put in to words. Throughout her time of illness she was helped by Macmillan Cancer Support (www.macmillan.org.uk) in various ways. Her nurse was great with her, and the people we met in the hospital were lovely and cared for us, as well as her, at a time of need. There's no way I can get the life of my mum back, and I couldn't deal with that happening for many reasons. I don't feel up for a religious/moral debate just now, however! There's no way I can pay back Macmillan for the work that they did, or Maggies Cancer Care Centres for their influence, or the Borders General Hospitial or anyone else for that matter. So, I won't try to pay them back but I will try to support them in their work now, and in the future. Already each month I donate to Macmillan but every so often I feel that it is time to do something more and make an effort. A direct debit doesn't take much out of me!

'Silence'

That is what is going to happen. On the 13th March 2011, I will be having a designated quiet day. I say 'silence' and not silence, because although my mouth will not be leading to words, my phone won't be leading to texts, my laptop won't be leading to emails, I shall still have thoughts, feelings and emotions to live with. They, to me, are not silent.

This date marks the first Sunday in lent, my last Sunday off work until November and the 3 year anniversary of the day my mum made her way to comfort. What can I learn from this day? Isn't life about learning? Every day we learn, and on this day I am challenging myself more than normal to learn in new ways. To learn about the world, communication, faith, relationships, worship, support, empathy, heaven, listening, earth, words, myself... The list is endless. Learning.

Please, if you would like to help me in my quiet day and would like to help Macmillan continue to work they do, follow this link: www.justgiving.com/lornabowry13 If you would like to donate cash/cheque, please speak to me. If you would like to support through written word, prayer, song, quiet with me, or anything else, it'd be lovely to know. No matter how you support, even if it is just to read this, then thank you.

Shuffle

Isn't it amazing how songs can bring back so many memories? Memories of feelings, emotions, friends, moments in time, family, food, learning, creating, becoming.

Tonight I have had my iPod on shuffle. 2042 songs. I think I likely listen to about 100 regularly. Not 2000. It's nice to use the shuffle options to find out what bizarre music I have. I don't remember some of it at all, which likely means it's either off a compilation album, or something I've been given and never quite got round to listening to. I do remember a lot of it.

In the last half an hour I've been transported from being in my Religious Education classroom at lunch break to being at the Edinburgh Tattoo. I've gone from being at the North End beach on Iona to being in Canada. I've been from driving around in Edinburgh to sitting on a tube in London.

I love it. I love music. I love the places it takes me to. I must discover more music. I must discover more of the world.

A Wee Update

So I've just been chatting to a friend and realised that I haven't really updated my blog or anything lately to say what has actually been going on in my life. I like to write about thought provoking things, but maybe writing about daily things is good too!


Christmas happened. That's enough of that. Nah, not really! Christmas was mad. The guests were mad. The vollies were mad. The ressies had gone mad by this point in the year. Mad in a good way! It was quite a busy week with lots of work to do and was the hardest Christmas I've had out of the 4 I've been on Iona for, but I wouldn't have changed it.

New Year was nice and quiet. Julie, Eilidh and I had some nice drinks and nibbles at home, and then ventured down to the village hall for the bells to join the Hogmany party. It was nice to be out with the locals and celebrate the New Year together. This new year felt different for me - it wasn't just the start of a new year but the start of a new job.

On January 1st I started the year by leading the morning service and then spent the next three days finishing my handover notes and starting on some major housekeeping tasks. If I really haven't spoken to you in a while, you won't realise that I'm changing jobs! 2010 I was the Hospitality Team Support Worker, working in both the Mac and the Abbey doing kitchen and housekeeping. 2011 I am the Abbey Housekeeper. It's actually quite a big change. Although I know the job day to day and have worked in Abbey Housekeeping a lot, there's a lot I'd like to do with the job and the centre. Change to come!

So after those three days, I hopped on a ferry in the morning and ended up in Edinburgh later that day being greeted by Becki who had just come up from Kent, and my dad who came to pick us up. For the next 6 days, we chilled out in Edinburgh. Stayed in bed till all hours of the afternoon, went down to Newcastle to meet a friend and walk some dogs, did some shopping, went for a night at Heather & Maurice's flat, had Epiphemas (Christmas celebration just after Epiphany!), went to 24hour Asda and, well, had a lovely week in general :) It was exactly the escape I needed.

Now I'm back on Iona, working away and keeping busy. After many goodbyes at the end of last year, it's got to the time of hellos. The person who will be the Hospitality Team Support Worker this year has now arrived, so it feels a bit strange to be helping with the training of the person doing my job. I'll get used to it when I'm fully in to my new job! Someone who was a vollie last year is now back as a ressie, so it's great to have her back. Feels good. Looking forward to more new ones arriving later this month, including Becki who I was in Edinburgh with and Joanne who was also a vollie last year.

Anyway, it's now the weekend and so it's time off. Just had my dinner made for me and now watching Modern Family. Early to bed...

Laying Down

I sat next to a lovely guest at lunch. It's my day off. I don't go to meals with guests on my days off. I did today. This lady that I sat next to is a Quaker. One of about seven we have here with us in the Abbey for Christmas week. Inspiring.

We were chatting away and I was being asked all of the usual guest questions about what brought me to Iona, what do I do here, what do I want to do next, how old am I, what do my family and friends think of me being here, what is good and what is bad about living in community... However, although these were the normal questions I've got so used to answering this year, this conversation was different. She cared, massively. Not that other guests don't care, but this was deep down care. She was interested in all I had to say, and would put a new twist on my life for me. Not a twist that annoyed me like some, but a twist that intrigued me.

When discussing my job as Hospitality Team Support Worker and the trials and joys that it has brought in 2010, and then discussing moving in to my job as Abbey Housekeeper come January for 2011, she said something that made me smile, that reassured me.

She said something along the lines of "it's all about laying it down, not throwing it away or dumping it or forgetting about it, but laying it down gently and moving away and moving on as you can".

Just what I needed to hear. Laying Down. That's what I need to do.

I don't need to put 2010 behind me or put Hospitality Team Support Worker behind me; I need to lay them down. The handover of my job may take some time and it may cause some personal trials along the way, but if I gently lay it down I will be able to do it. I will be able to comfortably hand my beloved job over to a completer stranger and take over a job from an amazing friend. I won't throw away this job and shake the new one. I will lay this one down and carefully pick up the new one.

'It never snows on Iona'

'It never snows on Iona' is a very well heard phrase. Because, it's true. NOT! I thought it was true, that is pretty much never snowed on Iona, mainly because I've only ever seen one picture of the Abbey in snow and the Abbey isn't even a complete building! However, even I have been proven wrong...

 St John's cross got snowed on - on one side!

The Cloisters - untouched

Where there was only one set of footprints...

I never thought I'd be sledging on Tor Ab outside the Abbey

So, there you have it - Iona in snow! Way more pictures on facebook if you want to see. There are some hilarious videos also, but they may be private viewings only! I'm off to bed now because all of the cold air and sledging injuries have worn me out...

Lullaby

"Close your eyes,
Get some sleep,
It's too late now to change anything,
But it's alright,
Get some sleep.
It's so dark outside,
So close your eyes,
And feel the world turn round.
If you're not lost,
I guess that makes you found"

Newton Faulkner

Beauty is within grasp... open your eyes and you'll see it

 View from the north side of the Abbey, looking east across the snow covered Burg and Ben More on Mull

 The Abbey from the south east corner, in breathtaking morning sunlight on my way to Bishops House for communiona

 The sunrise over Fionnphort, Mull

 St Oran's chapel, the oldest of the Abbey buildings, with a dusting of snow and low winter sunlight

 Amazing shadows from the high nunnery walls

Edinburgh Castle at the end of November, looking majestic with the bright blue backdrop

God's Small Voice

I've just returned from our evening service in the Michael Chapel that Ian was leading, and it's made me think... (worrying, I know!)

Listen to God; listen to his small voice within.

I totally agree. God does have a small voice within each of us, and we need to be able to hear that voice. We also need to be able to hear his voice in other places and ways too.

Yesterday, for the first time in a long time, I spent the majority of my afternoon off playing my guitar - old songs, new songs, my songs, Sue's songs, Naughty Niece songs and even writing a song. "I don't have time to play my guitar" I say - but when I thought about it last night when I'd put my guitar down, I thought "that's a lie". I do have time to play guitar, but I don't make that time in to guitar time. I use it to write, to read (I know, shock!), to listen to music and have a nap, to go for a walk, to email, to call people, to chat with my housemates, to drink tea and eat biscuits (rich tea's, of course!)... All of which are great and really useful for me (yes, especially the tea drinking!).

But, why don't I make time for guitar? Because it takes effort to tune, to get my music out, to find time when my housemates aren't in so I don't annoy them? Because I get annoyed because I'm not as good as I used to be? Because I don't have the energy to be creative? Because it involves sitting still and I'm not good at that? I honestly have no idea!

So, along with listening to God's small voice within, are there other ways we can listen to God?

Yesterday I found time to be with God, to listen to God, to experience God through my guitar and through singing and it has encouraged me to do this more often - not only because I do actually enjoy it when I make the time, but because it's a faith strengthener.

What faith strengtheners do you have? Do you use them often? Do you listen to God's small voice within, in whatever form that takes?

Do you ever wonder...

...why people always talk about technology being so much better than it used to be? If that's the case, then why can no trains or planes or cars cope with the snow?! I'm sitting listening to BBC Radio2 (coz I'm cool like that...) and after I had a wee mini rave to some cheesy 80's music, the traffic and weather information came on - and it sounds as though the whole of Britain is stuck because of the snow. Come on people, we must be able to deal with snow better than this somehow - and we're gonna have to improve cause it's going to keep happening now, let's face it.
Strange thing is, just a few hours ago I was on the phone to Becs who's out in Australia and she's talking about being in shorts and a vest top. Isn't the world a confusing and totally fascinating place? One side of the world is stopping because of some snow, and one side of the world is enjoying summer sun... It's going to be Christmas soon... and I just can't believe how different the world is. I'd love to go and celebrate Christmas in the sun one day. And I bet some Australians would like to spend it in the snow. Odd...
Anyway, just my wee ponderings of the day :) My mind likes to ponder. Most of which I won't share here, just now anyway!
Wherever you are and whatever the weather, don't be fooled by it - just do what you can and enjoy every moment of today because today won't last forever!