Calling

Outside is calling.
The rain is falling.
The wind is blowing.
The birds are flying.
This girl is aching
To fly.

In 3 days time I will turn 22. In less than 16 weeks time I will be sailing on a one way ticket on the CalMac ferry away from Iona.

Outside is calling.

Each day I get asked:

How does it feel? Exciting.

How does it feel? Scary.

How does it feel? A bit 'big' and 'real'.

How does it feel? Like I'm leaving my home.

How does it feel? Like I'm returning home.

How does it feel? Uncertain.

Each day the answer will change. Maybe even each hour. There is no one answer.

Yes I am unsure and concerned and feel like I'm leaving my entire life behind. But I am excited, eager and ready to be in the 'world' again.

I've learnt a lot, I've lived a lot, I've become a lot. I want to use those things elsewhere. Where? Doing what? With who? Well, I don't know! But that will be ok. Whatever it is, that'll be ok.

There will be tears and laughter. There will be joys and sorrows. There will be loss and gain. There will be heartache and mending.

It won't be an easy adjustment and it won't be one that I make overnight; it will take quite some time for it to feel 'normal'. But I want that to happen, I need that to happen. I need to adjust and evaluate and learn and seek and find and lose and break and mend and get lost and find my feet.

How else can you live life?