Monday, 19 September 2011

Back and Forward

Looking back
Looking forward
Looking here
Looking there

Feeling back
Feeling forward
Feeling here
Feeling there

How do we know if we are looking and feeling back, or if we are looking and feeling forward?
How do we tell apart those times when we look forward from skewed memories?

I found myself today in a shop in Tobermory looking at awe at a very colourful and stripey rug. Two of my favourite colours matched beautifully. The blue stood out as I found myself saying 'that's the colour my bedroom used to be' and then just a minute later saying 'that will match the colour I want my room to be' ... so although I don't officially have anywhere to live come January yet, here I found myself buying a rug for that place I will live. The first item I have bought intentionally for my flat.

Memories are mixed with looking forward.

I found myself today online looking at past blog posts of people close to me, wishing I could ask questions about them and knowing I can't. How many times in our lives do we want to experience things we know we can't?

As my time to leave Iona seems to be ever closer, with only 6 weeks of season guests left, I find myself trying to experience things - maybe for the first time, maybe just again. I know I will be back, but never at this time with these people. So often this place is only made what it is because of the people it has in it. And when the people change, the place changes. More than anywhere else I know. And that's what makes it so special, so unique. And those people mean the world to you. How do you carry those memories forward in to a different life, away from here, away from them, away from what you know? And more importantly, how do you carry those people forward, as you venture on to new things, and still keep that connection and relationship that you have here? Do you? Maybe there is no way to know without trying...

So, the memories need to stay strong, yet the 'forwards' needs to begin...

Looking and feeling back... looking and feeling forwards... they are linked all of the time. If they weren't linked, we wouldn't have a life story to tell...

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